The End

Tonight, for the first time ever, Ennio did not ask to nurse. I did not offer. And so I believe our nursing days are over. March 6, 2009, that might've been the very last day Ennio ever nursed. If he asks to nurse tomorrow, I will let him, but I don't know that he will. I was very surprised that he did not ask tonight. It's strange because he's a nursing fiend, and it's not like he's shown any lest interest lately. If anything, I thought he was showing more interest in the sense that he's always pawing at my breasts in the night. Just wanting to hold the nipple.

I never imagined, never ever, ever, not even when I was pregnant that I would nurse him for so long. Even after I had him, I thought, if I can make it to 6 months, great. But somewhere along the way I turned into a vehement proponent of nursing and was determined to exclusively nurse him until he was 12 months old. Then after that, it just kind of continued, and I didn't even really want to wean him. And he certinaly didn't want to wean himself. Even just recently, I was thinking, man, I'm probably going to have to wean him by force because he'll never give it up voluntarily. And now it looks like he is on his way to doing just that. I am sad about, sort of. Relieved, sort of. I didn't want to have to wean him by force, so that is good. But I'm sad that I didn't know that last night might've been the last time he ever nursed. And I'm sad that that stage of our relationship is over. I loved the closeness, the feeling that I was really give him total comfort - that he was just so relieved, relaxed, content when he was nursing. I know that I can still provide him comfort in other ways, but I don't know that the level of comfort, the type of comfort that nursing provided him will be matched. I loved watching him nurse - especially lately because it made it feel like he was a baby still, and he always looked so content, like there was nothing that could bother him in those moments, like he was safe. And I was the one providing that safety. I will miss it immensely.